I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
