Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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