so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
