Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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