I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
