i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
