I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where is the hickey?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
