we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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