im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
