like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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