You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
