lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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