dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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