Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
