it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
