I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
