Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
