just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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