I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
two words...techno handjob
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
