shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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