Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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