he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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