you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
