It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
