My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
