she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
