I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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