I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
