How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize