you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize