i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
