If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
