No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
