"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Houston, we have a squirter
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
