Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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