Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
