So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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