How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
