Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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