you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
