She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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