I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
