i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
