I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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