tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
