the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
