just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
