eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
