my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
