Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
