when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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