WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
