I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
either way he was missing a nipple.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
