So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
