my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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