The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
