i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
