I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
two words: eviction party
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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