yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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