My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
