you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
