Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just puked most of my soul out..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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