Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
