Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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