All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
