Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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