i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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