dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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