Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
