i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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