So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
