I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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