I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
