are you so shy because you have an std?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
