i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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