i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
