I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
