hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
